In our culture, I see many people jumping to conclusions without first checking the facts. Rather than responding to a situation they react to it, usually with emotionally charged anger and frustration. They immediately accept the only evidence they have and make assumptions about the motive and behaviour of the other person or organisation without first checking the situation out.

Increasingly, at school we receive calls or emails from parents who are obviously upset at something that has happened. Sadly, they often accuse us of incompetence, injustice, an uncaring attitude, unfairness and so on without checking the facts first. A wise child psychologist (Dr James Dobson) once said that when a child comes home from school with a story, accept it and assure them that you will contact the school and find out what is going on. Don’t react to it until you have spoken with the school and heard their side of the story. Then, you may have cause to feel aggrieved but generally you will find that the situation can be readily resolved without anyone needing to get upset.

We all have a personal perspective on a situation and a child presents to you the facts filtered by their viewpoint and experience. We at school will obviously do the same and the truth of a matter usually lies in amongst the various perspectives. When you do raise a concern with us, we first try to ascertain the facts from all the parties – student, teacher, parents and so on. The Year Advisor or Head of School who is doing the investigation seeks to be as neutral as they can to get the most accurate picture possible of what has happened.

The result may be a story that you (and your child) may not particularly like or it may be one that we in school leadership do not particularly like. However, it is important to keep in mind that resolving the matter is the important thing, not finding someone to blame and accuse. While there may be a case for having a scapegoat, sometimes it is better to just work out a solution and move forward, rather than seek revenge in some form or other.

As a school, I expect my staff to apologise if they have made a mistake or done something they should not have done, and they are pretty good at doing that. If we are to have a strong partnership together focused on the growth and development of the child, then you as parents also need to sometimes admit you got it wrong. Our children need to learn to do the same.

The Christian ethic requires us to be humble enough to admit our wrong, seek forgiveness and find a way to restore what has been broken. If you are willing to do that as well, we have a powerful force for good in our community and it will set our children up to live lives of good character.

Phillip Nash